


Alone

by Dootisart



Category: TF2 - Fandom, Team Fortress 2
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Drugs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, M/M, Overdosing, Panic, Panic Attacks, Sad, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 07:42:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15286941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dootisart/pseuds/Dootisart
Summary: When the team blame Scout for the loss that occurs, he spirals down into the depression that once plagued him as a teenager. Not knowing what to do with the negativity he is receiving, he resorts to things he would have rather left to his past.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this is got the same premise as my other fic 'Dream Forever' which I wrote in high school. I didn't really know where I was going with it, and I didn't like how I was writing it either, so I'm giving it another shot. Hope yall enjoy, even if i haven't improved much.

“This isn’t something you can just walk away from Scout, your actions out there have consequences.”

Scout stopped at that comment; what was it to him anyway? Engie wasn’t the boss of him, and neither were his team mates. He closed his hand into a fist to stop it shaking, seething with an unknown pent up rage.

“Why da hell da you care anyway, huh? It ain’t none of ya business- dat spy deserved a good wack to the face, so what if I died a few times.”

The rest of the team were visibly getting more agitated, with Engineer trying to control the atmosphere of anger. Scout had clearly acted out of his own selfish desire instead of backing up his teammates, in turn costing them the match. Scout could be abrasive and rude, but generally they all counted on each other when it came to the battlefield. 

“Listen Scout, I don’t know what’s goin’ on with ya lately, but you cant just act like that out there, ya hear? I’m speaking on behalf of everyone here when I say this, we’re a team, and-

“A team huh? Dat’s pre’ rich comin from you and supposedly everyone else on da team. You all hate me, dats pretty obvious.”

Scout was, to put it mildly, completely pissed off. It was unfair to blame it all on him when they had all collectively lost, ALL of their scores on the board were lower than average- not just his. Just because he was the youngest didn’t mean he should get all the blame, it was just not right. 

He stared at the mercenaries who seemed to be shocked in silence. They all stared right back at him with confused faces, wondering where his outburst had come from. It wasn’t really an outburst in his opinion though, it was the truth wasn’t it? Its not like they were saying anything to deny it. The more silence that passed between him and the team, the heavier Scouts breathing became.

“Scout, ve do not hate you, vhere did zat come from?”

Scout didn’t have anything to say to that, instead he started to excessively sweat from the amount of pressure that suddenly appeared. He had to say something quick, what should he say? He had to answer Medic, otherwise the team is going to think hes immature. Wracking his brain for answers didn’t help, it was getting too loud in there.

Squatting down on his knees he held his head in shock trying to block out the scrambled voices of his team. He just wanted them to stop talking, it was too loud, it was too scary, too much. 

“Just shut-up and leave me alone!”

The room, was once again silent. Deafening. The eyes of his teammates were on him once again, with Scout on the floor- trying his hardest not to cry, and trying his hardest to stop the shaking. 

“Please.” He muttered

That was all it took for them to leave the room, the patter of their foot steps growing quieter and quieter until he was truly alone.


	2. Hard Resolve

As soon as they left the room Scout allowed his pent up frustration to come flowing out. He tried to stay distracted and get his mind off the whole ordeal by observing things like the lockers that held their weapons and accessories for combat, or the white floor that had suspicious stains- likely the remnants of blood from being freshly re spawned. The distractions seemed to do the trick; now only slight hiccuping escaping his mouth, and stains on his cheeks from the tears that were left over.

Scout knew he was acting weird this week in particular. Everyone expected him to happy go lucky Scout, who was a bit too loud, a tiny bit clumsy and sometimes hilarious- if he did say so himself. However, he didn’t feel like putting up the loud and crazy act that everyone so diligently expected of him, because that was all it was- an act. 

It was clear that Scout liked attention; it was kind of obvious with the way he tried to put himself in the spotlight so often- but he was sick of pretending to be someone he wasn’t just so his team mates would pay him any kind of attention; let alone laugh with him. At this point, he thinks they were laughing at him, not with him; because in reality no one was really friends with him. At least not close friends. 

So putting it lightly, Scout wasn’t happy. No, he was far from it.

Considering he had spent a solid 15 minutes just crying in the locker room, Scout decided he would try and do something productive with the rest of the afternoon. Like a nap, or maybe even some food. In fact, both sounded pretty good, especially with the headache that decided to appear now of all times. 

Feeling slightly pissed that his body was betraying him like this, Scout decided to get up off his sorry ass and get some food, and then head off to bed to sleep off the stupid headache. 

He sloppily walked to the kitchen, hoping not to run into anybody and have to explain why he had a minor panic attack in the locker room. He just wanted some crap food to stuff his face with and then go to bed, was that so much to ask?

Apparently it was, because of course Pyro and Demo thought it would be great to start cooking some dinner for everyone. Stupid considerate assholes. They both stared at him like a deer in headlights when he entered the kitchen. Both proceeded to have some sort of secret conversation between each other that Scout couldn’t be bothered to decipher. He rolled his eyes at them and started to raid the cupboards for junk.

“Ayy laddie, um. Is everythin’ alright with ya? Ya know ya can tell ol’ Demo anythin’ right??

“I’m fine Demo, thanks.”

“It ain’t nothin’ lad.” Demo scratched his head sheepishly.

It looked like he was going to say something else, especially with the way Pyro was elbowing him in the ribs. However, Scout didn’t have the energy to care, as it was already awkward enough as it was. He grabbed his snacks, trying his best to ignore his headache as best as he could, but it was already making him feel queasy. 

He would have loved to take some medicine for his headache, but he was afraid he wouldn't be able to control himself. He never had the greatest self control, so he figured if he ignored medicine altogether, then it wouldn’t get addicted, right? It was bad last time. It was awful. He promised himself that it wouldn’t happen again.

Not once out of the 2 years Scout worked at Mann.co had he ever asked Medic for medicine, in fact he outright has refused to take medicine before, even going as far as pretending to take medicine when Doc just wouldn’t give up- saying it would make him feel better or something like that.

Addiction was frustrating to deal with, at least in Scouts opinion- maybe he felt like it was harder to deal with because he never actually went to therapy about it. Its not like could have ever afforded it anyway, and there was definitely no way he was going to talk to the Doc about his supposed issue. He was fine now, he was over it.

But was he really?

Its not like he never thought about it. It was scary to think about how blissful it was to feel completely at ease by taking some small, little pills. How it could clear his head not even in 20 minutes. When Scout was at the peak of his addiction, sleeping pills were the worst for him. There was a period in his life where it was near impossible to get some shut eye, no matter what he tried. In turn he tried sleeping pills prescribed by a doctor in his hometown. 

After a while, sleeping was all he wanted to do, in turn abusing the pills to a disgusting point, where one time he hadn’t woken up for more than 24hrs. It was funny, it had started off with some simple painkillers- taking them whenever he felt anything at all, trying to convince himself that he needed them. But his addiction had become far worse than just overusing painkillers. Not being able to wake up truly terrified him.

Unfortunately for Scout, sometimes a hard resolve can be easily broken with an enticing offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention, if any of you guys are interested my tumblr is 'dootisart,' ill post updates of my fic on there


End file.
